(This feels like the last day of calm before a storm that I can't size up.)
My mama and my Shannon Elizabee were just here! My daddy and my Jessie both needed to be home and I missed them, but it was so sweet to spend real time with two such wonderful women. It's the first time since we've moved here that I could relax with my family without agenda. I got to take them to some of my favorite places: Franklin Street Church and small group on Sunday, some shops on Bardstown where we got fabulous pictures (not yet uploaded), Queenie's for soul food and Tom + Chee for gourmet grilled cheese and tomato soup. We even got in good exercise...as we walked to Heine Bros. Coffee for breakfast and the Comfy Cow for ice cream!
(Here, my mother would like the reader to know that she ran every single morning and swam and even tried my silly weight machines. And that she didn't eat any ice cream.)
We discovered lots of new shops, went to see Batman (again), and shopped for curtain material. (Yes, my mother is amazing. My office has brand new curtains. Also, thanks Rachael for the sewing machine.)
It was actually a perfect way to spend three days, with just enough wandering and resting and enjoying one another without filling up the days too much. Though we did maybe spend too much time in JoAnn Fabrics. Now that they're gone, there's a silence I can actually feel.
The quiet in my apartment isn't strange like I thought it would be though. It's not a lazing, back to normal quiet. It feels much more like a silent rush. A push from behind, a pull toward an unknown future. It's the silent but startling realization that I have to start making decisions again about things that demand attention. This is August 2nd, and in 19 days, I'll be starting my first grad school class. Ben, who took a summer class this week, will have been back in school for three weeks by then. Mama has a kindergarten team meeting tomorrow. Shan moves to CNU in two weeks. Jess starts her last semester of undergrad. My family, here and states away, moves on.
The past three days have been such a respite from the things I have to do day-to-day. I have barely thought about work until now. I still don't know reliably how to get to my classes. I'm caught in the uncertainties of money and time and in the midst of it all, where are the plans my Father has laid out for me? The ones he has had since before the world began? Am I fulfilling them with all this dizzying uncertainty?
I get so sad when family leaves because I want to share all the parts of me with them, but today, it's possible that the sadness has another root as well. As long as the ones I love are close, I can shut out the upcoming uncertainties. I can devote my attention to something other than the stress that I know is impending. I can just stay still with them.
But the God I love, who is still close to me, is not a God of standing still. He's not a God of staying right where you are, even when you're in the shadow of His wings. He's a caring, sympathetic, comforting God, but He's not sentimental. He doesn't coddle. And He's ready for me to move on. To go forward and figure out what to do next. To keep moving, knowing that He'll keep the storm at bay for as long as He wills before moving with me through any driving rains He's ordained.
Okay God, thanks for this rest. Let's surge ahead.